Fear
by RabbitBunnySheep
Summary: Lucy and Joey have been together for four years now and their relationship is going from strength to strength. What happens when a shock discovery re-opens old wounds and memories: can she confide in Joey about the past, or will a blast from the past reveal all before Lucy has time to? One thing is for certain; Lucy Beale's life will never be the same again…
1. Chapter 1

**Summary- Lucy and Joey have been together for four years now and their relationship is going from strength to strength. What happens when a shock discovery re-opens old wounds and memories: can she confide in Joey about the past, or will a blast from the past reveal all before Lucy has time to? One thing is for certain; Lucy Beale's life will never be the same again…**

**Okay so here we go…. I had an idea and the idea turned into a story so here it is. My other story will be updated soon as well! **

_Chapter 1- 7:02 am 5__th __September 2016_

The darkness covered the square like a blanket. The rain was falling down in sheets and if you went out in it for more than a second you would have gotten drenched. Lucy knew that she shouldn't be sitting on Arthur's bench in this weather but she needed time to think, without anyone else butting in. It was so cold and Lucy could barely feel her fingers. She'd been sitting here for nearly half an hour now. The early morning light hadn't penetrated the clouds yet so it was abnormally dark for seven in the morning. She didn't know what to do; every time she closed her eyes memories that she'd locked away inside her head were played across the lids of her eyes like a cinema screen. That was another reason she was out here in the rain, she didn't want to sleep in case her dreams were filled with memories. No one would understand why she was so scared, well except for Peter. Whitney knew more than anyone else but even she didn't know half of it. She would go and visit her but she didn't want to wake Whitney up at this time of the morning especially as she gone out with Tyler the night before and was probably suffering a massive hangover, so that left one person; but unhelpfully that person was in Devon. She fumbled in her pocket and removed her mobile. She found his number and pressed the call button.

"Peter? Peter?" She called into the device, her voice sounding stronger than she thought it should sound. "Who is this?" She was comforted by the sound of his voice. "Peter, it's me, it's Lucy." She hurriedly answered. "Luce? Why are you calling me at seven in the morning?" Peter asked, irritation creeping into his voice. "I'm so scared, Peter." She managed to whisper out. "Lucy, what's the matter?" Peter asked, all the irritation in his voice had disappeared, concern now in his voice. "I've been such an idiot, Peter." She stuttered out her voice still as quiet as a mouse. "I can't help you until you tell me what the hell is going on, Lucy." He said. She took a deep breath and composed herself. She closed her eyes, which wasn't such a good idea as the memory reel started up again. "I'm pregnant." She heard Peter gasp at the end of the line. "Oh, Luce." He whispered.

"The father?" He asked and Lucy glanced up at the house where Joey was sleeping, not knowing the secret that she held. "My boyfriend. He doesn't know." She said, shaking her head even though Peter couldn't see her. "Why haven't you told him?" Peter asked. She looked up at the house again. "I just found out, Peter and I'm scared he'll be just like…" She trailed off. "This is different Luce. You're twenty-two, not sixteen and you're in a relationship with the father, so that's a hell of a lot better than last time. Trust me, he'll probably be shocked but then he'll warm to the idea of being a father. The thing is do you want the baby?" Peter asked her and she didn't have to think about the answer. "Yes." She nodded, even though he couldn't see her. "Go tell him then, Lucy. Good luck, Luce. Don't be scared and phone me if it's all getting too much. Oh and you better tell dad before someone else does." Peter said, and Lucy gulped at the prospect of telling her dad she was pregnant; again. "Love you, bruv." She said, before ending the call.

She flipped the phone shut and stood up, pulling her coat together under her chin. She was frozen to the bone but she wasn't as scared as she had been before she had spoken to Peter. She ambled in the general direction of the house that Joey, herself and her dad shared. Ian hadn't been happy when Lucy and Joey had outlined their plans but he had sort of warmed to the idea in the months following Joey moving in. He was fine with the arrangement now. Shaking, she inserted her key into the lock and twisted. The door open quietly and she walked in to the house, shrugging her drenched coat off and placing it on the rack and removing her sodden shoes. She padded, slowly to the stairs, before taking a deep breath and going up them.

She walked into the bedroom and smirked at the sight of Joey tucked up in bed, snoring gently. She sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the rise and fall of his chest. She took another deep breath and suddenly felt very sick. She just managed to get to the bathroom in time before all of last night's meal made an appearance. Damn, she'd forgotten about morning sickness. "Lucy, are you alright?" She whipped her head around to see Joey, still in his pyjama's standing in the doorway, concern etched on his face. "Ah, we need to talk, Joey." She wiped her mouth on a square of toilet role and stood up.

They were back in the bedroom; Lucy was perched on the edge of the bed, taking deep breaths. "Well, are you going to explain?" Joey asked, slowly. Lucy nodded and spoke. "Please don't be angry." She glanced up at his expression, confusion. She took a final deep breath. "I'm pregnant." The shock was obvious on his face. "Wha…what?" He stuttered. "I'm having a baby, Joey; your baby." He brought his hand up to his face and rubbed his temple. "Joey, say something, please?" She begged. He still didn't say anything, but offered his hand and Lucy took it, gratefully. "I'm going to be a dad." He said, slowly, trying out his new title. Lucy nodded and Joey took her in his arms and hugged her.

"Are you scared?" Lucy asked him a short while later they were in the kitchen, eating breakfast. He nodded his mouth too full of cereal to talk. Lucy laughed. "And you?" He asked a couple of second later, his mouth empty. She closed her eyes; memories flashed by. She nodded. "Lucy, why are there a pair of sodden shoes on the front door mat?" Ian Beale said, as he walked down the stairs. "I went out." She stated. Joey gave her a funny look. Ian shook his head and went over to the sink. Lucy leant of to whisper into Joey's ear. "Can I tell him alone?" Joey gave a curt nod. "Right, I better be off to work." Joey announced, giving Lucy a quick kiss. "Good luck." He whispered. Joey worked as a barman in the Queen Vic. "Dad, can I have a word?" Ian nodded and sat next to her. "Right, what is it?" Lucy put her head in her hands, and closed her eyes. The memory of telling him the last time and his reaction took prime spot on the reel of memories. She removed her head from her hands and looked her dad in the eye. "I'm pregnant." She stated, clearly. She watched as the shock rolled over his face like a wave. He stood up, pushing his chair out from under him, making a loud scraping noise. "How the hell could you make the same mistake twice?" He shouted. "I take it that the baby is your devoted boyfriend's?" He said, in a sarcastic tone. Lucy nodded. "Well, at least you chose a better man to get pregnant with this time. He isn't a last layabout like Leon!" He shouted. "Taking about Joey, why isn't he here with you, telling me?" Lucy shook her head. "I knew you'd get angry and you'd bring Leon up. I don't want him to know." Ian calmed down a bit. "Do you want to keep it this time?" Ian asked, slowly. "Yes." She said, quickly. "Why don't you want him to know?" Ian asked, quickly. "Because it would take a hell of a lot of explaining, and revisiting of memories that I don't want to revisit." She answered. "Suit yourself." Ian shook his head and sat back down. The sat in silence while he finished his breakfast. " You can stay at home today. I'll man the fort by myself." She tried to interrupted him. "No, buts young lady. You're staying here." With that Ian left the room leaving Lucy alone with her thoughts.

**Okay, is this any good? I don't know some feedback would be nice. Hope you like the idea! Hope the characters aren't too OOC. Plus, has anyone got a better title? I got a bit stuck on that one.**

**Next chapter- Whitney comes round and the girls have a little chat… **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two is here! Hoped you liked chapter one- boy I'm having fun writing this!**

_Chapter 2- 2:00 pm 5__th__ September 2016_

_She was walking fast; she had to get away. "All right, little girl." She heard Jane shout from somewhere behind her. She kept walking, hoping Jane wouldn't catch her. She was so scared and she just wanted to run and run and forget everything that was happening. "Look, please don't." She answered; a couple of seconds after Jane had spoken. She felt an outstretched hand reach out and grab her arm. "Lucy, do you think you're the only one in the world who feels that they can't have what they want?" Jane asked her angrily, pulling her arm so she was facing her. "I'm sorry, okay, I'm sorry." Lucy screamed in reply, tears battling their way to make an appearance. She tried to stop the tears but they came, sliding down her cheeks. She snapped, finally realising how much this was going to change her life. She brought her hands up to hair and starting pulling, maybe the pain would obliterate all the other memories. "Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid cow!" She shouted, sounding more and more distressed. "No, no Lucy, Lucy, no, no." Jane said, grabbing her arms and pulling her into a comforting hug. Lucy sobbed, as Jane held her tightly, rocking her, trying to get her to calm down. "Every things going to be all right." Jane said, comfortingly. "We'll talk it all over in the morning." She said, nodding. "And I promise you, I promise." She said, releasing Lucy from the hug so they were face to face. "It will seem so much better in the morning." She said, lacing her fingers through Lucy's hair. A shaking Lucy took a couple of deep breaths before speaking. "I'm pregnant." _

Lucy woke up, sweating. The dream had seemed so real, like Jane had really been there but she hadn't and the confrontation had actually happened so long ago. She knew why the argument, that had turned into a confession, was at the forefront of her mind; she had just found out that she was pregnant; again. She was lying on the sofa, in a very uncomfortable looking position. She raked her hands through her hair in an effort to calm herself down. She had been so confused and scared that night and in the end she had just blurted it all out. She didn't care what Jane had thought she just had to get the weight off her shoulders. Her brooding thoughts were interrupted by a banging at the door. Lucy got, shakily, up and ambled to the door. Glancing at herself in the mirror before reaching her destination, she was horrified by how much of a mess she looked. She wiped her eyes and took several deep breaths in. The deep breaths helped to calm her and when she reached the door she was more composed than she had been.

She swung open the door and was shocked and surprised to see Whitney standing in the doorway. "What's up, Luce?" Whitney asked, on seeing Lucy looking worse for wear. She didn't trust herself to speak so she just gestured for Whitney to come in. Lucy went back to the sofa and paused the TV, which was playing to itself. She nearly collapsed on to the sofa, she closed her eyes and there it was again, the reel of memories. Now it was playing the one where Leon had confronted her in the Vic, asking if the baby was his. She didn't notice Whitney sit down on the sofa next to her. "Well what's up?" Whitney asked. To her surprise Lucy laughed; a shaky laugh though. "Where do I start?" She said, glancing up at Whitney. "Do want me to get Joey? Or your dad?" Lucy shook her head. "I just had a bad dream, that's all." Lucy answered. "It must have been an awful dream to reduce you to tears." Whitney said, and Lucy heard the scepticism in her voice. "Well, it was more of a memory. A very bad one at that." Lucy said. Whitney frowned. "What memory is so bad that it makes you cry?" Whitney asked, innocently. A mental battle waged in Lucy's mind; should she tell her? Whitney knew that Leon had been the father of her baby; Lucy had been willing to confide in her earlier, why not now? "Telling Jane I was pregnant." Whitney frowned again. "That was ages ago, Luce, why are you thinking about it now?" Whitney asked. The battle started up in her mind again. "Because I'm pregnant." The look of surprise on Whitney's face was a look that Lucy wished she could take a picture of. "I assume its Joey's?" Whitney said. "Of course, what do you take me for?" Lucy snapped back, and she was instantly reminded of saying exactly the same back to Jane when she asked Lucy if the baby was Leon's. "Does he know?" Whitney queried. Lucy nodded. "And Ian?" Lucy nodded again. "Are you keeping it?" A third nod from Lucy. "Are you happy…or scared." Whitney inquired. "Petrified, but happy that I've got Joey. You probably think I'm too selfish to have a baby, Whit; we haven't really seen eye to eye in the past, have we? I'm going to be a proper mum to this kid Whitney; this is completely different to last time. But please don't tell Joey about being pregnant before, please, Whit." Lucy pleaded. "Why not?" Whitney probed. "That would be a hell of an interesting conversation, wouldn't? Also it wasn't really my finest hour was it? Getting knocked up at sixteen, not the best of idea's. There are memories that I've tried to forget, Whit, that I don't want to think about, let alone talk about. So no, I don't think Joey needs to know." Lucy responded.

"I should go, Luce. Tyler's waiting for me at the Vic." She paused. "Are you going to announce it or keep quiet or what?" Whitney asked, standing up. "I dunno yet, me and Joey will talk about it, but for the moment, Whit, don't tell anyone." It was Lucy's turn to pause. "Whitney, I'm not sixteen anymore." Whitney nodded and left. .Lucy sighed and reclaimed her position on the sofa.

Whitney walked out of the Beale house hold with a lot of food for thought. Lucy had been right when she had said that they'd not seen eye to eye in the past, but they had put them behind them for Lauren's sake, and had surprised themselves by actually becoming friends. She put her concerns for her friend behind her as she spotted Tyler waiting outside the Vic. They had been together now for four years and Whitney was finally having some luck in her love life.

"You all right, Whit? You look a bit pale?" Tyler asked her as she walked over to him. "Yeah, I'm fine. Do you mind if I call Lauren?" Tyler laughed. "Go ahead, I'll be inside." Tyler said before turning around and walling in to the Vic. Whitney got her phone out and found Lauren's number. Lauren hadn't had quite as good four years as Whitney had. She had started drinking again until she was involved in a car accident. She had only received minor cuts and bruises but it had been the wakeup call she had so vitally needed. She had also had to cope when Abi had run away, unable to cope with the truth about Jay's involvement in Heather's death, but she was found two weeks later, fine. She had been incredibly unlucky in love, most recently a doomed relationship with Kyle, a boxer, which had ended in tears after Kyle cheated on her with Lola. Whiney felt sorry for Lauren but she knew that Lauren was tough and she would make it. She pressed the call button. "Hi, it's Lauren here! I can't make it to my phone right now; right so that's what I'm telling them… Oh if it's Dad then I'm ignoring you. Please leave a message after the beep!" Whitney couldn't help but laugh. She flipped the phone shut and walked into the pub, shaking her head.

0000000000000000000000000000 

"Luce? I'm home!" Joey announced, walking through the front door. "Luce?" He called when he couldn't see any sign of her. "I'm here." She said, emerging from the toilet. "Morning sickness?" Joey asked, sympathetically. "I don't know why they call it morning sickness; it just comes whenever it wants to, not only in the morning!" She ranted. Joey came over to her and enveloped her in a hug. "I hope you haven't gone soft on me, Lucy Beale, I like your attitude." Joey asked, smirking. "Course I haven't gone soft. I'm just having a baby. No big deal, right?" They both started laughing. "How did telling _Daddy_ go?" She playfully punched him on the chest. "It went fine, thanks. He was very angry to start with but I explained some stuff and he's alright with it now." Lucy explained. "Why didn't you want me there?" Lucy laughed. She almost said, 'Well last time he nearly went and beat up the father' but she stopped herself. "Cause, I thought he'd go mental and he might have taken it out on you." Joey nodded. "I didn't want that amazing face of yours to get hit, so I sent you on your way." Joey leant down and kissed her.

"So, Luce, I got something while I was out. I got it of a stall." He produced a bag from behind him. Frowning, Lucy took the bag off him and removed a wrapped parcel. "What is it now, pass the parcel?" Lucy mocked. She ripped the paper and gasped when she saw what it was. "You didn't have to, Joey." She said, holding up a red and black striped baby suit. "Well, I am going to be a daddy so I thought I should get the little kid a present." She smiled, Joey was so different to Leon.

**A longer chapter than the first one, for you folks! I'm amazing myself with how much I'm writing for this story! Hope it's good!**

**Next Chapter: Joey and Lucy announce the pregnancy… **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 is here! Hope you're liking this story!**

_Chapter 3- 6:22 am 6__th__ September 2016_

For the second morning in a row, Lucy couldn't sleep. She brought her hands up to her face and realised that tears were slowly slipping down her face, she rubbed them away. She'd only slept fitfully and only for an hour at most. She was having nightmares, like the one she had had the day before, dreams that were more like memories; and memories that she didn't want to remember because they hurt. She sighed and turned over, so that she was facing away from Joey. The worse dream had been one where she'd come back from the clinic, she had been losing her baby; the worst part was that they'd lied to Jane and said that she was miscarrying. She slowly sat up in bed, for six years she done a good job of pushing these memories to the back of her mind, but sometimes the odd one would break through but normally they stayed forgotten; now it was different- her memories were all she could think about.

She rubbed her temple as she climbed out of the bed, when she heard Joey speak. "Lucy, where are going?" Joey asked. "How long have you been awake?" Lucy asked him, inquisitively. He gave a small smile. "Long enough to see you wake up, crying." She cursed herself, she shouldn't have cried but then again she had been so upset. "Oh." Lucy let slip. She gingerly closed her eyes but snapped them open a second later when the reel started up again. "Are you all right?" He asked and she could hear the concern in his voice. "I guess it's just hormones." She said, lying through her teeth; but Joey seemed to swallow her story. "Okay." He said, slowly. "But tell me, if anything's up, okay?" Lucy nodded and walked out of the room.

Lucy had tried sleeping on the sofa, but it had just brought back other painful memories. She had given up trying to sleep and was watching the TV, the volume on extremely quiet. She wanted o talk to someone, confined in them her worries. She took her phone out and didn't know whose number to call, Peter's or Whitney. She decided against calling Whitney and found Peter's number again. After a couple of rings Peter answered. "Peter, Peter?" Lucy spoke. "Luce, what's up? You're calling me even earlier today." She was comforted by the sound of his voice, again. "I don't think I can do it, Peter." She said. "Why not? You're Lucy Beale, you can do anything. Remember, you're as stubborn as anything." Lucy laughed at his comment, before going quiet. "The memories, Peter, memories that I've tried to forget even existed for the past six years. They're all coming back, and I can't sleep, I can't even close my eyes without a memory coming back. The worse thing is Peter, all these memories, they hurt. I don't want to remember them. I want to forget. Make them stop, Peter." She was shaking now. "It's alright, Lucy, it's all alright. Calm down, it going to be alright, oaky. You're tough, Luce so you'll be fine. You want this baby, so just push them away, be that stubborn Lucy I know and love." Lucy nodded. "Thank you." Lucy replied. "That's what brothers are for, isn't it? Bye Luce." Lucy brought the phone away from her ear and pressed the end call button.

Peter had made it sound so easy to push the memories away, but it proved to be harder than Lucy had imagined. Still, it made it a little more bearable, this way. Joey came down stairs a little after seven and for a while they sat in silence round the kitchen table. "Well, I thought today would be as good a day as any to tell dad he's going to be a granddad." Joey announced standing up. "Invite him over, we'll tell him together, if that's alright." Joey nodded, pulling his phone out. "If we tell him, it could well be around the square by this evening." Joey nodded in agreement with her statement. "Should we publicly announce it?" Lucy asked him, once he'd gotten off the phone to Derek. "Well, who knows at the moment? Your dad, and soon to be my dad and that's it?" Lucy interrupted him. "Well, I sort of told Whitney. And my brother, Peter, he knows." Joey nodded. "Maybe we should just leave gossip to its natural course? And if we get asked, we'll tell the truth, is that fine?" Joey outlined his idea. Lucy nodded in agreement. "Dad's coming round later." Joey added.

A couple of hours later there was a load knock at the door and Lucy winced. "Derek here, then Joey?" Joey walked over to the door and swung it open, revealing Derek Branning standing on the other side. "Seems he is, Luce." He called back. "Come in, dad." Derek walked in and promptly sat down on the sofa. "What d'ya want?" Derek asked. Lucy sat down on a chair and Joey stood next to her. "We have some news, Derek." Lucy started. Joey finished it off. "You're going to be a granddad!" Joey announced in a loud, happy tone. The look on Derek's face was priceless, but soon it turned into one of anger. "Out." He said, gesturing at Lucy. Lucy frowned but complied with Derek's order.

"How old are you, son?" Derek spat out. "Twenty-two, old enough, dad." Joey replied, anger filling his voice. Derek shook his head, in frustration. "You have gotten Lucy Beale pregnant, Joey. Lucy Beale!" Derek shouted angrily. "What's wrong with Lucy?" He shouted in return. Derek shook his head, laughing. "Her dad's Ian and she's a manipulative, evil cow. Are you even sure the baby's yours?" Derek said, gleefully tormenting Joey about Lucy. "What are you saying?" Joey shouted back. "Maybe you should ask her about Leon? You might find out you don't really know the girl that is supposedly carrying your child." Derek said, and at that moment Lucy walked in, having heard the whole conversation. "Joey, please leave me and your father to talk please." Lucy demanded. Joey walked out of the room, a puzzled expression on his face. "How the hell do you know about Leon?" Lucy shouted, not caring who heard. "Let's say I have my sources, my sweet." She shook her head. "You really don't like me, do you? You're trying to turn him against me. I t won't work, Derek, because this is his baby, alright? Now get out of my house!" Derek fled the house and Lucy was left standing in the middle of the living room, breathing heavily.

She found Joey a couple of minutes later, sitting on their bed. "Joey, are you alright?" Lucy asked. "Is it mine?" Joey asked, bluntly. For a second Lucy was taken back to the Queen Vic, and when Leon had…no she had to concentrate on the here and now. "Of course it is!" Lucy shouted. "You don't actually believe what Derek said?" Lucy said, incredulously. "So you won't mind telling me who Leon is?" Lucy went silent. "We're having a baby together, we can't have secrets, Luce, who is he?" Joey asked, again. Lucy shook her head. "Maybe some secrets are best kept hidden." Lucy answered. "No there not!" Lucy shook her head. "No, no, no!." She screamed. "I don't want to remember, Joey. It hurts." The room went silent again. "You're just going to have to believe me, okay?" After a small pause slowly, Joey nodded. "Promise me, this is the only secret?" Lucy nodded quickly. "I've told you everything else." Lucy leant down and they kissed, but there was still a troubled expression on Joey's face. The kiss was interrupted by Lucy's phone beeping. She reached her head into her pocket and retrieved the device. The message read:

_**Come to the Vic, now! Bring Joey! Lots of Love from Whitney xxxx**_

Lucy laughed at her friend's bizarre text. "What does it say?" Joey asked. In replied Lucy turned the phone so that Joey could read it. They both frowned, and then Lucy smiled. "Let's go then!"

They arrived at the Vic a couple of minutes later. As they walked into the pub a raucous cheer went up. "Surprise!" Joey and Lucy glanced around the Vic and saw banner's reading congratulations and party decorations strewn around the room. In the centre of the room were Whitney, Tyler, Lauren, Alice, Fatboy and Anthony. "Whitney!" Lucy exclaimed. She looked around the pub and was surprised to see that apart from the six in the middle it was empty. Whitney walked up to her. "We thought you'd like a party!" Whitney told her. She leant in and whispered in her ear. "Only Fats and Lauren know about before and I told them to shut their mouths, so..." Whitney trailed off and Lucy nodded and smiled. "Thanks." She gave Whitney a hug.

The spent the rest of the evening playing games and, apart from Lucy, drinking. She glanced around the table. Tyler had his arm around Whitney, and Lucy smiled; Whitney was happy. Lauren was surprisingly curled up next to Anthony; Lucy thought that maybe it was too soon after Kyle but Ant was a nice guy. She also noticed that Lauren wasn't drinking alcohol, instead a glass of lemonade sat in front of her. It wasn't surprising that Lauren didn't touch alcohol anymore, after her battles in the past. She continued her glance around the room. "Joey, why are you drinking lemonade?" Joey gave her a cheeky grin. "I've got to look after you." Lucy shook her head. "But I-" Joey cut her off. "No but's." She shook head again as Joey pulled her into a hug.

They were too busy playing truth or dare to notice a dark brown haired man slip into the Pub. They didn't notice him come up to there table, until Whitney glanced up. "Oh god…Luce you might want to look behind you." Lucy frowned, and disentangled herself from Joey's arms. She looked up just as the man spoke. "Long time no see, Luce." Lucy didn't have to see the man's face to recognise him; she had never forgotten the way his voice sounded…

**Ooh a little cliff-hanger for you all. Hope you like this chapter; I'm still worried about making the character's OOC! Any thoughts to who he is?**

**Next Chapter: We find out who the mysterious stranger is, but is he a stranger at all... **


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four is here, enjoy! **

_Chapter 4- 10:24 pm 6__th__ September 2016_

She brought her head up so she was looking him in the eye. "You…you're in France." She stuttered out. He smirked. "Well last time I checked I was in Walford." Lucy scowled. "What the hell are you doing here?" She growled out. "I came to see how you're doing. Am I allowed to do that?" Lucy shook her head. "No, you're not!" She shouted at him. "And why's that?" He asked. She closed her eyes, trying to calm herself down, but instead the cinema screen flickered into life. "Go away, go away!" Lucy roared. She turned away from him. "Please." She added, pleading with him. "Lucy, the stress isn't good, for you or the-" She cut Joey off. "Don't." His brow creased in confusion. "Don't say that word." Lucy, warned him. "Why not, Lucy? Are you ashamed now, of our child- our baby?" Lucy shook her head and the man spoke. "Oh Lucy, Lucy Beale. Do you ever learn from your mistakes?" Lucy had to fight for control over her emotions and then suddenly, she snapped. "Are you happy now? This is Leon! Okay?" She screamed at Joey. Joey looked at the man, confusion flickering over his face.

"What did he mean 'do you ever learn from your mistakes?'?" Joey asked, still staring at Leon, speaking slowly. Lucy brought her hands up to her face, why was this happening to her now? Six years had passed, six years when she hadn't had to remember these memories, but now they all came flooding back. Whitney had come to stand next to Lucy and was trying, unsuccessfully, to comfort her. "Now Whitney, this is why I didn't want to tell him. How am I meant to tell him?" She whispered to her friend. "I don't know Luce, I don't know." Whitney murmured. "Maybe it might be nice to know who the hell he is?" Joey interjected, obviously having just heard there exchange. Lucy took a deep breath in. "I had…he's an ex." Lucy answered, finally. "That's all, he's just you're ex?" Lucy shook her head; it was so much more complicated than that.

"Why after six years?" She addressed Leon. "Did Zsa Zsa finally realise what a lying cheating idiot you are?" Lucy couldn't help but add. "I haven't seen her in six years!" He said indignantly. "You hurt me so much, Leon. You know what the worst thing was? You didn't even give a damn! Did you? I thought you were finally facing up to your responsibilities at one point; but no all you wanted was for it to be over! You didn't care! You just wanted for it to go back to normal." Lucy yelled. The pub went quiet after Lucy's rant. "Lucy ple-" Lucy cut Leon off. "No, Leon. You couldn't care about the baby because you didn't care about me. I was just a bit of fun; it was always Zsa Zsa, wasn't it? Time after time, even when I told her truth, you thought that she'd be alright with the fact that you got me pregnant. The world was always black and white to you, if the baby was gone then it was all back to normal. It never went back to normal for me, Leon, never, not even now." Lucy shook her head. She didn't turn around, she didn't want to see the expression's on Joey's face.

"What happened to the baby?" Joey asked, tentatively. After a pause, Leon spoke. "She '_miscarried'_, didn't you Lucy?" Lucy gulped. "What do you mean '_miscarried'_?" Joey asked. "Go on Lucy; tell your boyfriend what really happened." Leon taunted. "Lucy, what does he mean?" Whitney asked, confusion rippling over her features. "Oh god, Leon, you had to come back and mess this all up!" She shouted into the silence. She paused before starting to speak again. "I couldn't cope with it Leon, I was sixteen and pregnant and the baby had you for a father. _You!_ I was so scared, scared and alone. Maybe if you'd actually supported me, I wouldn't have done what I did but Leon I couldn't cope. It was the best thing to do." She briefly paused. "I would have had to raise a child on my own, at sixteen. I couldn't do it, Leon. I couldn't bring a child into this world whose father hated it. I didn't want a child, when I was only one myself. So I did it. You have no idea how painful it is to lose a child, even when it's by your own doing. Not just physical pain but the mental pain, and that was worse. I had to live with the fact that I aborted my baby. It hurt more than anyone can imagine, and I didn't want to, not really- but it was the best thing to do. And by the time I had serious doubts about it, it was too late. It was all just a massive mess." Lucy finished and nearly broke down on tears. "So you see how much of a mess I've made of my life, all of you!" She shouted. "Judge me, do what you want; but nothing, nothing you say is worse than how I already feel about myself."

Then she let the tears wash over her and she collapsed to the ground. Leon stood there, shocked at Lucy's words. "I'm so sorry Lucy." He said. "And how much good is that now?" Whitney criticized. Joey looked down at the sobbing figure of Lucy Beale. He crouched down. "Ssh, Lucy, don't cry. It's going to be alright. I'm going to be here for you, okay. I'm not like him." Lucy looked up at him, her eyes as wide as saucers. "I thought you'd hate me." She choked out. "I not going to judge you on past mistakes, okay. We all have flaws." Joey announced. Lucy looked up at him. "Thank you." She spluttered out. "Promise me one thing?" Joey asked her. Lucy nodded. "Talk to Leon, it's obvious you two have some serious issues. You need to sort them out, okay." Lucy glanced up at Leon with contempt but she nodded.

Joey leant over and enveloped Lucy in a hug. It was at that moment Ian stormed into the Pub. "Lucy Beale…" He trailed of when he saw Lucy on the floor. "What the-" Then he saw Leon. "You." He spat out. "This is your fault." He snapped out. "Dad, dad, stop it." Lucy called out as Ian made his way over to Leon. Leon turned to face her. "I'm so sorry, Lucy. I never meant to hurt you." In the short time she knew Leon Small, he had never apologised but here he was saying sorry and Lucy could hear the sincerity in his tone. Lucy nodded. "We'll talk about it in the morning." Lucy felt better, she'd faced her demons and come out on top.

**Hope you like it, I'm not too sure myself I feel as Lucy is quite OOC, but hey I loved bringing Leon back, seeing how Lucy would react. **

**Next Chapter: Leon and Lucy have a civilised conversation for the first time in, like, forever… **__


	5. Chapter 5

**Here we are, chapter five already! This is great fun to write and, like every time, I hope you enjoy reading my writing. ****This will be the last update for 18 days as I am going on holiday! **

_Chapter 5- 5:47 am 7__th__ September 2016_

Even though her past was now known by everyone that mattered, she couldn't sleep. She thought by facing her demons that somehow the memories would fade away, no such chance it seemed. The memories came back with a vengeance, and this time memories of moments long forgotten. They were mainly of Leon, not surprising after his little visit earlier. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed, and this time she was sure Joey was asleep, the snores coming from his side of the bed were unmistakably real. She quickly got changed, she was going to go for a walk and though the weather wasn't quite as bad as last time, she took more precautions. She swung the front door open and the crisp, cold morning air invaded her lungs. She shivered in the cold morning air.. She walked further into the square, heading for Arthur's bench, when she saw that someone was already occupying the bench. She shook her head and walked, purposefully towards him.

"Couldn't sleep?" Her words seemed to snap him out of a trance. "Yeah." He muttered. Lucy sat down next to him. "Do you hate me?" He asked, turning to face her. She closed her eyes and there were memories where he had hurt her so much. "You hurt me, I know that for sure, Leon." She hesitated. "I've never been able to forget you, is that a bad thing? I tried so hard to rid you from my memory but it never worked, never." She stopped again. "I don't know I think is the answer to that question, I don't know if I hate you." She answered, and Leon gave her a small smile. "Do you hate me?" Lucy asked a couple of seconds later. Leon shook his head. "I don't think I could ever hate you, and I never meant to hurt you, either." Leon replied. "Shame, you did hurt me; even if you didn't mean to." Lucy said, her breath curling in to wisps of vapour in front of her eyes. "I was scared, even if I didn't show it. I didn't know how to act, what to do. I didn't help that you weren't going to tell me." Leon said, anger slightly rising in his tone. "It wasn't my idea, okay. Dad said it was for the best." Lucy defended.

Leon sighed. "When did it ever get this complicated?" Leon lamented. "Maybe the day I found out I was pregnant?" Lucy said, and Leon nodded. "Why did you come back?" She asked a little while later. "I don't know." He said, shaking his head. "I had no idea you were even here. Last thing I heard, which was admittedly quite a long time ago, was you were in Devon. I think I came back to see how it had changed, and I wanted to see Fats again." Lucy nodded. "I came back." She stated, simply. "It was nice, for a while, to get away from here. To go to a place where no one knew my history, no one judged me on who my dad was and no one judged me because of…the baby, they couldn't because no one knew. I certainly not going to tell anyone, but I missed my friends and so I came back a year or so after I left." Leon nodded. "It was different then, no one seemed to remember that I was pregnant, or mentioned it at least, so it was easy to forget the memories, the past…but not you. You were always there and I don't quite know why." She said, quietly. "Even when I met Joey, for a while I couldn't trust him because of you. I thought that everyone else that I'd meet would treat me like you did."

They sat there in silence for a little while longer. "Do you still wish you never bothered?" Lucy asked, softly. He shrugged. "I don't know." He said, honestly. "Why did you tell me that the baby wasn't mine?" Leon asked. Lucy looked down at the ground. "Maybe I wanted you to hurt, to be confused, to feel a fraction like I was feeling." She whispered. "Is that why you told Zsa Zsa: to make me hurt?" Leon probed. Lucy nodded. "I tried to tell you how scared I was and you never understood." She uttered. "I was terrified and you didn't give a damn." Lucy said. "I'm sorry. I can't change what I did, but I hope that we can move on, Lucy." Lucy nodded. "I can't change what I did, either."

Lucy smiled. "Why couldn't you sleep?" Lucy asked. "Nightmares." Leon uttered the one word quietly. "You?" Leon inquired. "Same." The both nodded and lapsed in to a silence that wasn't at all uncomfortable. She smiled again as she stood up. "See you around." She said, as she walked off.

She sauntered back in the general direction of the house, while thinking things through. She reached the door of the house just as it swung open. Joey stood in the door way, framed by the darkness. "Where have you been? I woke up fifteen minutes ago and you weren't there, I looked all around the house for you, and now I was-" Lucy cut him off. "I couldn't sleep, so I went for a walk, I met Leon and we had a chat, sorted a few things out and now I'm back." She said, quickly. Slowly, Joey nodded and moved so that Lucy could pass by him and into the house.

They returned to the bedroom and Joey immediately fell into a deep sleep. She glanced at the clock a couple of time but time seemed to be moving extremely slowly. She was sitting with her knees draw up to her chest, trying not to succumb to the terror of sleep. She knew that if sleep came, the dreams would come with it. She was finding it extremely hard to cope with, not the pregnancy but the emotions and memories that came with it. She didn't know if she could endure another nine months of this pain. Seeing and talking to Leon had helped, but just not as much as she'd hoped. In a way she knew that seeing him would unlock another lot of memories, but she'd hoped- in vain- that it would stop them.

She looked down on a sleeping Joey, who did not know how much pain being pregnant was giving her. Not physical pain but another type that was even worse. She couldn't take pain relief to combat this pain because all she wanted to do was to forget, forget her past and the pain and emotions that were attached. It came like a package, if she wanted to remember what had happened then she had to feel all the pain she'd only just endured the first time; again. It was like a bruise, incredibly painful when inflicted but over time it fades, however when the bruise is pressed; the pain comes flooding back. She wanted to forget but she couldn't and she didn't know what to do…

**A nice long chapter for you all, not the longest but it doesn't matter. Hope you enjoyed it!**

**Next Chapter: Lucy and Joey talk about the past… **


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, I have returned from holiday! Whooo! Chapter 6 is here! **

_Chapter 6- 8:28 am 7__th__ September 2016_

"_I don't believe it." Lucy heard her dad mutter; she looked up and saw who was coming towards them. Ian got up from where he was sitting and turned to walk over to Leon as Jane spoke. "Take no notice of him, Ian." Jane's words came too late; Ian and Leon clashed both trying to push the other way. "Ian!" Jane shouted. "Oh no you don't, she's got nothing to say to you!" Ian shouted, pushing Leon away. When her dad was speaking, a cry came from Lucy. "Dad, dad, don't!" Lucy shouted, drowning out what Ian was saying. "I know what you're wanting to say, please just go outside." Ian pleaded with him. "You can't cut me out." Ian took his hands off Leon, as he turned to face Lucy. "Not until I know." Lucy's complexion paled, as she looked up and Peter. She closed her eyes, hoping against hope he wasn't going to say what she knew he was. "Is it mine?" Leon asked, and all of Lucy's hopes came crashing down. She stayed silent. Jane looked at her in horror, as Leon spoke again. "Luce, the baby…" He paused, hesitating. "Is it mine?" He asked again, almost pleading with her now. Jane and Ian exchanged glances as Lucy decided whether or not she would lie to him. Lucy didn't dare look at anyone else, as she didn't want to see there horrified expressions. She could see Leon was getting impatient. "Is-" She cut him off. "Yes." She said, curtly. Leon's face dropped as he turned and stormed out of the pub. Lucy followed two seconds later. _

_Emerging from the pub, she saw Leon walking off and, in the distance, Zsa Zsa waiting for him. She walked off, the opposite way to Leon and was heading for the house when she heard a shout from behind her. "Lucy, Lucy please, slow down." Jane was following her. Lucy sighed and slowed her pace. Then it hit her, everyone knew- and that's when the tears came…_

Lucy woke up. She was currently occupying the sofa, she'd come down stairs to watch the TV, but the lack of sleep had caught up with her. It was then she realised she was crying. She angrily wiped them away and stood up, shakily and walked into the kitchen. She glanced up at the clock- 8.28, it read. She'd been asleep for half an hour, after spending two hours and ten minutes in bed, trying to push the memories away.

She heard loud footsteps coming down the stairs. She snapped her eyes open, just as Joey slumped on the sofa next to her. "Lucy? Lucy?" Joey asked, softly. She turned her head to look at him. "Yes?" Joey kept looking at her. "Are you alright?" Lucy started to nod, before stopping and looking back up at him and shaking her head. "Why not?" He asked, concern in his tone. She sat there in silence for a second before working up the courage to speak. "I keep having nightmares." She told him, hesitating before continuing. "Nightmares that are more like memories, memories of the past, Joey, memories that I've tried to forget for the past six years." She paused again. "And the worst thing? They all hurt, there was a reason I tried to forget them. I did things that I'm not proud of." She stopped again. "When I was pregnant before, I was so scared, Joey, but I didn't show it, I put up a wall and in front of that wall I wasn't bothered by the whole thing but behind I was terrified. Then the wall started to crumble and in turn so did I. I couldn't cope with it all, I couldn't cope with Leon and it nearly broke me…" She trailed off.

She then stood up. "I'm going to work." She said, walking in to the kitchen. Joey sat on the sofa, taking in what Lucy had told him. He called out after her. "Not in that state you're not!" He called and stood up himself. "I can and I will." She said, heading for the door. Joey moved so that he was blocking the doorway. "No way." He said, forcefully. "Let me out." She said, trying to keep her temper under control. "No." Joey replied. "Let me out." She said, trying and failing to push past him. "No." He said, simply. "Let me out." She repeated. Joey shook his head and Lucy snapped. "Let me out!" She shouted, forcefully trying to push past him. "Let me out!" She screamed, before going eerily silent.

"I just want to forget." She said, her voice very quiet. A silence descended on the room again as Joey continued to block the doorway. Suddenly, Lucy turned around and walked a few steps away from Joey. "You just don't get it, do you?" Lucy asked, and Joey didn't know if she was talking to him or not. "Get what?" Joey replied, tentatively. Lucy brought her head up so she was staring him in the eye. "You have no idea how much it hurts." She told him. "Luce, if you'd tell-" She cut him off. "But that's the point!" She started laughing, not manically but softly- tinkley- like rain on a tin roof. "I'm not going to tell you." She said, shaking her head. "Because it all hurts to much." She whispered. "Leave Joey, please." She spoke quietly, but with intent. "What-" She interrupted him again. "Leave, go, get out- before it's too late. It's never going to work." She continued. "No!" Joey replied, defiantly. "I'm broken, Joey. Damaged goods." She paused for a second. "I will end up hurting you." She finished. "I don't believe you." Joey argued. "Don't." She shrugged. "But if you don't end this; I will." Joey slowly shook his head. "What are you doing?" He breathed. "Saving you." She replied. "No-you're-"He started but she cut him off yet again. "Stop it- don't see, this is for the best!" She shouted. "I don't want to hurt you, but I always hurt the people I don't want to. I'm defective, I'm a trouble maker, and I'm not worth the effort." She stopped and paused for breath. "One day…you'll wish you never bothered." She said, and it seemed to Joey that all the emotions that had been in her voice seconds earlier, had drained out- leaving her tone flat and dull. "I've done bad things, I've hurt countless people and I've made some stupid, stupid mistakes. Hurting you isn't going to be one of them." She said, shaking her head. She turned and walked over to the back door and disappeared through the door. Joey cursed for letting her get away so easily, but he was also extremely confused…

**Dun dun dun! Lucy's putting the walls up- to what cost? Is it the end of the road for the couple?- but what about the baby?**

**Next Chapter- Joey tracks Lucy down but will he get the answers he craves… **


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